A God outside the Box

So after my nervous breakdown last week things have gotten a bit better. I don't know if it was your prayers or just the nature of this school, but either way there's no need to worry, no one's giving up here.

After such a spiritually loaded week it was weird to dive into this one, as it felt like we'd entered a whole other world. We had a guest speaker from New Zealand sharing us about his views on life as a christian, especially a christian artist. Patrick Dodson talked about relationships, how they affect our identity, how our identity affects our creativity and how our creativity can change the world. It was very down to earth and in a way very unspiritual, but even more challenging that way. He had so many good points about our generation and the disaster we're running towards if we don't change our 'shopping mentality' and start growing up.

One of the things he said that really stroke a chord in me was that we shouldn't get too caught up in asking God what we're supposed to do. Instead of waiting forever for a sign from heaven about whether I should go to university or staff a dts I should just go ahead and do whichever I want more. God will bless any way we go as long as it doesn't go directly against Him and His good will for us. But we get too caught up in following his perfect plan that we actually stop moving, cos He's not giving us a sign. I knew I had this problem when I was thinking about what's gonna happen after dts. Should I travel around Australia, should I go to Soul Survivor Holland, should I go straight back home, should I this, should I that, God tell me what is your divine plan! Like He cares what happens during those few weeks after I graduate. He gave me the ability to choose for myself, to want things and act according to it. So I' m free to choose, as long as I don't choose something absolutely stupid... I believe he's still gonna warn me if I'm going to do something really idiotic. So choosing for myself doesn't mean that I can do ANYthing. It just means that I don't have to ask for His permission in everything. Just like children need to grow up at somepoint and start taking responsibility for themselves, so does God want us to look after ourselves in a way. I don't know if this makes any sense to you :D

Patrick also had some really good points about being a christian artist. He was verbally slapping our faces with some of the stuff he said, but it was good, it woke us up. Like realising that it takes 10 years to be good at something unless you're like really really really talented. And even then it takes like 5 years. But our generation is so used to this so called shopping mentality, where we push a button and we get what we want. We've stopped creating, because the pressure to be as good as the best is too depressing. But there's no competition in being excellent. Nobody has to be as good at something as someone else is, but everybody can be excellent in what they do, cos everybody's different. When jealousy and selfishness enter the picture, that's when the pressure comes, which often leads to giving up or selling out. It takes 10 000 hours of diligent practice till you're actually good at something. But with the shopping mentality we usually quit after 500 hours, if we're not making decent progress. That was basically me when it comes to almost everything I do. If I'm not good or at least decent in the very beginning I can't be bothered do continue practicing. Like with the guitar, after learning like 10 cords, enuf to write songs, I stopped learning more cos I wasn't bothered to make the effort. And I didn't even take lessons to have someone make me practice. I was just too damn lazy.

So Patick's teaching was very, very inspiring. Pretty much all of us got some ideas on what to do with our lives. I only shared like a tiny portion of all the good stuff we learnt this week, but if you're intrested in hearing more, go to http://www.patrickdodson.net/ and listen to some of his stuff. It's pretty controversial but frikkin awesome.

And like I said, the teaching this week was like the opposite to the one we had last week. It truly went from full on spiritual hippie fest to down to earth, practical everyday life. Just goes to show that we really cannot put God in a box. It's gonna take a while to process these two weeks and learn how to take them both and turn it into a balanced christian life that's somewhere in between those two. And like Patrick said, a lot has happened and will happen during dts, but we're not gonna change before we actually apply these things in our own lives.

So what else... Life's pretty good, it's still frikkin hot here (30-35 degrees C) and I can't wait to go to Japan to stop swetting! Only two weeks left! Our team still needs altogether about 2000 dollars, so if you could pray that God provide us with the money in time, that'd be great. Cheers!

Faith Activated

Realising that I haven't even been in Australia for 3 months yet brings a little consolation to this confusion that I seem to be living in at the moment. Yet as our outreach is only 3 weeks away it feels like we're coming closer to the end. And I guess in a way it is true. It's never gonna be like this ever again once we leave. Just like the 1st 4 weeks here, before our first little outreach in Byron Bay, were their own chapter, every few weeks we're entering a new season in this school. Coming back from Airlie us as a school have definitely entered a new era.

This week we continued on spiritual warfare, watched a couple of Dean Sherman videos, then a couple with Jack Deere and again some with Steve Thompson. I guess learning about spiritual warfare made us even more of a target than before and a lot of us have struggled with spiritual attacks. But we've managed to fight a lot of it pretty successfully; for example a lot of reconciliation happened in our band as God convicted us of forgetting Him and His authority in the band. We hadn't even realised how distanced we'd become as a band from each other and God. So we repented and talked things through and instead of rehearsing our songs we had worship time for hours, just us 5. So at least that part of the Devil's plan was ruined.

On the other hand this week has been really good as opposed to the time we we're gone from the base. During those 2 and a half weeks almost everyone of us felt distanced from God and had a hard time connecting with Him, but coming back to the base and under the spiritual atmosphere which is a lot lighter here has enabled us to feel more close to Him once again. Which is good but a little confusing. Am I really that easily affected by my surroundings? Shouldn't I be able to connect with my heavenly Father despite my circumstance?

The whole week we've been building up our faith and reaching out. I've worshipped for hours and hours this week seeking His presence, and it all was building up towards friday night when we had a big worship night. We all had great expectations. After hearing about all these things that exist in the spiritual rhelm, after being encouraged by Steve Thompson, saying that Christ is in us and in Him we have been given all authority on earth, after fasting all day in aticipation of this night we were all so pumped up and ready to worship.

And for the second time on dts this happens: I begin to worship with a flaming desire in my heart to meet with my God, I worship with such a passion and I do connect, for a tiny moment - an then it's gone. Nothing. Something attacked me and I felt how I was slipping away and I just sank with this thing all over me. And other's prayed for me and it did leave but I still couldn't reconnect. We had ministry time but despite the level of faith in the room we didn't see too much happen. In my heart I felt like something was squeezing it. I didn't understand. I still don't.

I love my God. I do. And He's proven himself to me more than plenty of times, but I still feel like there is a heavy cloud of confusion hanging over this place, over me. I still believe He can do all things, I really do, but I don't understand why He won't work through us, through me. And I am sick and tired of apologizing for Him. Sick and tired of focusing on what He did not do. I want to boast in Christ, be proud of my Father who can do ALL things. But if I don't see these things happen though I walk in the faith that I have, what am I supposed to think?

So pray for me, pray for us. Because this school is on the edge of either a breakthrough or breaking apart. We have no idea where we're at or what God's doing in us. It's something quite divine, the ways He's been leading us, and I believe He will raise us up even though it feels to me now like we're gonna die spiritually if nothing happens. So pray for us. Pray that we'd have clarity once again and that God would show us what all of this means. Hopefully before outreach...

Just another fortnight

So about two and a half weeks ago our school left for Sunshine Coast to spend Christmas there. I left earlier in a van that took 15 people there first. It was me, two other girls and all the guys in our school. Once we arrived we came to realize that the place we were staying in for a week wasn't really the most modern facility. All the girls would sleep in a room with bunkbeds for all 24 of us, but little space for all our luggage. The guys would sleep upstairs on hardwoodfloor. The place used rainwater and supposedly had two full tanks ready for us to use, but we'd still have to conserve water. It wasn't too bad, though I had a lot of trouble to get myself into a christmas mood. The afternoon we arrived, however, the guys cheered us up by killing to bushturkeys. Together about 10 of us took the feathers out, gutted them and prepared them to be cooked. It was an experience like no other, and as gross as the gutting part was, it was still pretty frikkin amazing. We never ended up cooking the turkeys ourselves, though I think I heard someone saying that the suspicious looking meat in our pasta was the turkey. Who knows...

That week was pretty chill, we had some lectures on spiritual warfare but Noah didn't want to stress us too much over the holidays, and we were all too tired to listen anyway. We did a couple of trips to these beatiful creeks where we went cliffjumping from 3 to 10 metres, and took showers in a waterfall. We also hiked up a small mountain where we could see the whole coastline of Sunshine coast. Christmas eve wasn't a special day cos the emphasis here was pretty much on the American christmas. But in the evening I called my family, and it was really good to hear their voice for the first time since I arrived in Australia. It was also the first time I've been homesick since I came. And it all got worse the next morning. I woke up on Christmas day to go to the toilet only to find out that we'd run out of water. This meant that we'd have no showers, no toilets nor water for cooking or washing the dishes. The guys had to go into town to get us water for cooking a christmas dinner while the rest of us - especially the girls - were wondering how to survive without toilets.

Eventually it wasn't quite as bad as it could've been. We'd wash our dishes in a small creek next to the cabin, and there were toilets at a park about 5-10 minutes walk away. The problem with the toilets was that there were no lights, so going to the toilet after 7 would mean navigating in the darkness... But it was still better than diggin a hole in the forest... Showers were arranged with trips to the waterfalls where we truly became one with the nature. On boxing day I walked to a nearby waterfall with two other girls to wash our hair. It was about a 20-30 min hike down to the pond, and we got there while we still had daylight. The hike back, however, we did in complete darkness. We could barely see the path and the whole time I was just praying that I wouldn't get any leeches. Good news were that my prayers were answered; I didn't get any leeches. But I did hit my pinky toe on a rock and tore my toenail. Fortunately we were by the toilets so that I could rinse my toe with fresh water, but it was still pretty bad.

On 27th we left Sunny Coast and head for Airlie Beach. After cleaning up the place (which btw was a pretty disgusting job) we finally bid fairwell to the place and drove 8 hours to Rockhamptons were we stayed for one night at a camping site. Sleeping with 3 people in a tent that's meant for 2 people, on gravel without a sleeping mat was not a pleasant experience, but washing our dishes in an actually clean kitchen made up for it. From Rockhamptons we continued 8 more hours to Airlie Beach, where we had a tiny bit of time to settle down (I was sleeping on a carpeted garage floor with 11 other girls, whereas almost all the rest of the school had airconditioned accomodation with real beds or at least mattresses) before we were thrown into full on evangelism action. The whole week we made free chai tea for hundreds of people in this big tent with a very cosy atmosphere. We had live music playing and a carpeted floor area with cushions and little tables. It was really nice and a really good enviroment to just talk to people about life and faith and whatnot. After my evangelism experiences in Byron Bay I wasn't really excited about this week, but God really proved himself to me in the ways he led me into good converstations, especially when I wasn't trying. It was a very tiring week as we had such a tight schedule, having about 6 hours of sleep everynight and not really having any time to just relax. Fortunately the weather wasn't too hot and at least we had enuf food. And the evenings were definitely worth the trouble as we really saw God move and touch people's lives. We also got to do all kinds of random stuff, like picking up coconuts on the beach and due to a great group effort finnally getting to actually eat them. We collected shells on the beach and made necklaces out of flowers. Unfortunately due to all the jellyfish in the ocean we couldn't swim on the beach, but there was a manmade beach right next to us that we took advantage of as often as possible. Our band got to play on new year's eve and afterwards we'd all go outside the tent to watch the fireworks. Even though I really missed home I felt really blessed to start the new year with these people in this amazing country.

The last night of that hectic week our band was playing again. The gig was way better than the first one and I felt really good afterwards. I tried to strike up a conversation with a group of girls from Brisbane but it just wouldn't take off so I decided to go hang out by the side of the tent. I stood there for a while till this young girl who was sitting outside the tent smoking asked me if I was the girl who was just singing on stage. I went to her and we started talking and the conversation just took off. I told her what we were doing with the tent and that I was a christian and she was really intrested. Her friend joined the conversation and we started talking about relationships, sex and marriage and they were just absolutely amazed by my view on that stuff. We were joined by two of their friends and I ended up talking to them for the rest of the night, for about 3 hours. It was really cool how I got to share my lack of experience with boys as a testimony, a thing that I'd never actually thought of as an actual testimony. The girls were just absolutely stunned by my values and the strength that I had in believing in them. The guys were more resentful but they were listening. At the end of the night the first girl asked me to pray for her, which was cool cos I didn't push it on her, she actually asked for it. After praying for her the other girl thought it was so beautiful that she wanted prayer as well. So I prayed for her as well. And we talked a little more about how they had had the worst start to a new year and how I'd been exactly what they needed. The whole conversation was like the perfect ending to a good week. It was so good to see God lead the conversation and open all the doors when I wasn't trying at all. And to hear that the reason these people were in the tent was because they'd hear our band play from outside and came to listen to us. It was so encouraging to see that God did use our music even when we weren't singing about Jesus. There were some good conversations in addition to this one, but this one was definitely the best one and it still brings a smile on my face when I think about it. God is good, all the time!

On tuesday we had the chance to go to the great barrier reef, one of the seven wonders of the world. I hadn't had any money since we came to Airlie, but I knew I had to go, so I borrowed the 120 dollars needed and went. And it was frikkin amazing. After about a 2 hour long boat ride we came to the side of this island where we had a chance go snorkling. It was a little scary due to the fact that it was the stinger season and the water was like infested with jellywish that would kill you if you got stung by one. But we all wore stingersuits that covered like 95% of our body, and nobody got stung. Also getting used to a snorkle took a while, the first 15 minutes I just felt like I was drowning. But after getting rid of the fear of drowning and the fear of jellyfish it was absolutely amazing. I didn't see any Nemos but I did see a couple of Doris and some of the other fish in the tank at the dentist's office whose names I don't remember. I saw huge fish and colorful fish and all kinds of coral. I only saw a couple of jellyfish but they were scary :( After the reef we went to a place called the Whitehaven beach, which is one of the top 10 beached in the world. The sand was almost pure silicon, white and soft and amazing. It's the only place in the world where you can find that kind of sand. We still had to wear our stingersuits in the water, which resulted in some cool promo pictures that can later on be found on facebook. Some guys saw stingrays and sharks and dolphins, I didn't :( I did see a sea turtle once we went back on the boat. The whole day was such an amazing experience, worth a lot more than 120 dollars I think...

Yesterday we left back for home, but we'd only made it half an hour outside of Airlie when the other trailor broke, forcing us to load the bus and the van with all the luggage that was on it. The van had to stay behind to wait till the trailor was fixed, but fortunately the bus was able to keep going. However we had to fit most of the luggage in the bus, so there was little space left for the students to sit. Somehow 25 of us managed to make it all the way down to Rockhamptons where we spent the night again, this time in slightly more comfortable conditions. 8 more hours of driving today, and we finally arrived back home. My backpack is still in the van though, so for now I'm left with almost none of my posessions. But I don't complain, I'm home and that's what matters.

I hope I didn't forget anything too important. It was a lot of information to remember anyway...