Faith Activated

Realising that I haven't even been in Australia for 3 months yet brings a little consolation to this confusion that I seem to be living in at the moment. Yet as our outreach is only 3 weeks away it feels like we're coming closer to the end. And I guess in a way it is true. It's never gonna be like this ever again once we leave. Just like the 1st 4 weeks here, before our first little outreach in Byron Bay, were their own chapter, every few weeks we're entering a new season in this school. Coming back from Airlie us as a school have definitely entered a new era.

This week we continued on spiritual warfare, watched a couple of Dean Sherman videos, then a couple with Jack Deere and again some with Steve Thompson. I guess learning about spiritual warfare made us even more of a target than before and a lot of us have struggled with spiritual attacks. But we've managed to fight a lot of it pretty successfully; for example a lot of reconciliation happened in our band as God convicted us of forgetting Him and His authority in the band. We hadn't even realised how distanced we'd become as a band from each other and God. So we repented and talked things through and instead of rehearsing our songs we had worship time for hours, just us 5. So at least that part of the Devil's plan was ruined.

On the other hand this week has been really good as opposed to the time we we're gone from the base. During those 2 and a half weeks almost everyone of us felt distanced from God and had a hard time connecting with Him, but coming back to the base and under the spiritual atmosphere which is a lot lighter here has enabled us to feel more close to Him once again. Which is good but a little confusing. Am I really that easily affected by my surroundings? Shouldn't I be able to connect with my heavenly Father despite my circumstance?

The whole week we've been building up our faith and reaching out. I've worshipped for hours and hours this week seeking His presence, and it all was building up towards friday night when we had a big worship night. We all had great expectations. After hearing about all these things that exist in the spiritual rhelm, after being encouraged by Steve Thompson, saying that Christ is in us and in Him we have been given all authority on earth, after fasting all day in aticipation of this night we were all so pumped up and ready to worship.

And for the second time on dts this happens: I begin to worship with a flaming desire in my heart to meet with my God, I worship with such a passion and I do connect, for a tiny moment - an then it's gone. Nothing. Something attacked me and I felt how I was slipping away and I just sank with this thing all over me. And other's prayed for me and it did leave but I still couldn't reconnect. We had ministry time but despite the level of faith in the room we didn't see too much happen. In my heart I felt like something was squeezing it. I didn't understand. I still don't.

I love my God. I do. And He's proven himself to me more than plenty of times, but I still feel like there is a heavy cloud of confusion hanging over this place, over me. I still believe He can do all things, I really do, but I don't understand why He won't work through us, through me. And I am sick and tired of apologizing for Him. Sick and tired of focusing on what He did not do. I want to boast in Christ, be proud of my Father who can do ALL things. But if I don't see these things happen though I walk in the faith that I have, what am I supposed to think?

So pray for me, pray for us. Because this school is on the edge of either a breakthrough or breaking apart. We have no idea where we're at or what God's doing in us. It's something quite divine, the ways He's been leading us, and I believe He will raise us up even though it feels to me now like we're gonna die spiritually if nothing happens. So pray for us. Pray that we'd have clarity once again and that God would show us what all of this means. Hopefully before outreach...