For the last 9 days we spent in Kioto we did not have an internet connection, hence this late update. However, I'm now going to tell you everything that's ever happened to me, so it should take a jolly good while for you to read this post. I hope you'll make it all the way to the end...
In Kioto we stayed at a church athat had just moved to a new building a week earlier, and we had the priviledge to be the first guests there. The place was pretty amazing, though the thought of going back to sleeping on a futon on the floor after having a real bed didn't sound all that appealing to me and Jess at first. But it was all good in the end. The shower was by far the best one yet (apart from the showers at the Japanese bathhouse we went to a couple of times), and I spoilt myself a little by taking a long shower every morning. The church also fed us, though maybe a little too much. Some meals were better than others, but my absolute favourite was breakfast. Bacon and eggs every morning... Good times. So yeah, the church was more than hospitable to us and I bet we all gained weight, sadly. The church had a fairwell party for us on thursday evening at a Korean barbeque restaurant, and they practically forcefed us all till the point where I could've easily allowed myself to shove fingers down my throat and vomit, just because I was so full it was painful. But the food was amazing, and I didn't exactly fight back when they offered me more. Amazing top quality beef that we got to grill ourselves, heaps and heaps of it. Having been deprived of real meat for 4 months I couldn't help myself... I also tasted cow's tongue!! It was really good actually. With lemon. Ha.
Now to more serious life issues. I learnt a lot during this last week, all the way till the very last night. One of the things I struggled with was respecting my authorities in times when I felt like they weren't being just. One of our leaders had told us a while earlier that we had overbudgeted and had thousand of dollars left over. All of us were excited to hear that we'd be getting hundreds of dollars back after or during outreach. As the time went on, however, our leaders said we might have to spend it all on outreach, because the base in Brisbane has a policy that none of the outreach money will be refunded, it all goes to the base. So for a while we though we could just get a couple hundred for spending money and get rid of it. Not all of us were happy about that, cos we could still really use the money after DTS. Once we arrived to Kioto we still thought we could use the money to buy souvenirs, but our leaders told us that that's not gonna happen either. They'd mailed the base and asked about the money, and the base had told them that it sould not be spent on anything that the budget doesn't include. Realising finally that I would lose hundreds of dollars was a tough cookie for me to swallow. I wanted to fight for my money, saying that I had not signed a consent for this (which I may have, actually) and the base has no right to take it etc. etc. But God stopped me and said it isn't right for me to go against the authorities like that. It may or may not be just, but it isn't my job to force things the way I think they should be. I realised that my bitching wasn't gonna change the situation, instead it was just making things tense between me and the leaders. So I decided to release it to God, knowing that He'll always give me the money I need, and that right now it's my time to bless the base with my money isntead of holding this against them.
When it comes to ministry, we didn't really feel like we were doing much. The only time we shared a testimony was on the very first night we came, when we all had to share something without any time to prepare. But it was fine, we all managed to BS our way through it. But after that we mostly just did english classes for kids, which basicly meant playing with them. We really felt a spirit of control and pride over the church, as we weren't allowed to really do our own thing. The sanctuary of the church was off the limits whenever there wasn't a meeting, so even when we wanted to worship just as a team during our free time, we were forced to do so in a stairway, cos nowhere else was ok for them. It was sort of like we were some kind of trophys that they kept on a shelf till it was time to show us around. But we did our best to obey them, and we did have a good time. One day we went to this church's prayer house in the mountains and had a time of worship there. After we'd finished Koji came to me and told me I'd been praying in Japanese. I was so amazed. I knew I could pray in tongues, but to actually have someone there who'd understand. Apparently I had said "I'm gonna open the door, so please help me, please". Jess had also been singing "open up the door" while worshipping and prayed for something cool to happen. It was crazy. And the next day as we had worship in the stairway we all felt like God wanted to open a door in that church. We just didn't know how to help Him...
So it all came crashing down on friday night. The church had a prayer meeting from 9 till 11 in the evening, but they gave us the option to rest instead, if we needed. We as westerners understood it as a free night, so we decided to spend our last evening in Japan having fun at a Karaoke bar. So we all dressed up and left, and when we came back we were confronted by the church. They accused us of all sorts of things, but mostly they were upset because we'd offended them by not attending the meeting. We apologized. They told us we'd offended God by going out instead of attending the church meeting, and because we'd worn better clothes to karaoke than what we did to church. We didn't say anything to that cos we didn't agree. They attacked Koji for being Japanese yet so offensive, like chewing gum while playing worship in front of the church, and for not being a better guide for us to the Japanese culture. They blamed Koji for every single little mistake we'd made. We could not understand. And some of us tried to share our hearts about what we felt like God had showed us about the church, like spirit of fear, pride and control, but they would not listen to us. We realised we should've kept our mouths shut as it only added to the flame that was trying to burn us alive. It went on for hours, and it was like straight from a nightmare. I still don't understand what these people wanted from us. We apologized and apologized and apologized, but they would not forgive. At half past one, after interrupting them while they were throwing stones at Koji, and we begged to just leave in peace, we finally ended the conversation with the church. Our team then had a time of prayer to just break off anything that might've come upon us from this incident. But I was actually surprised how calm I was. I did not cry during or after the confrontation, I wasn't even scared. Of course it was unpleasant, but in my heart I knew these people couldn't touch me. I knew there was no condemnation for me, and that these people could refuse to forgive us but that in the end it would only hurt themselves. In a way I was actually happy it all happened, cos I could see how I really was able to stand firm in God even in a dark situation like that.
The same conversation happened the next morning, when the church decided to address the same issues we'd talked about already. It didn't matter. There seemed to be nothing we could say to these people to make it ok. It only left a bitter taste to our mouths from the whole trip, and we were so happy to arrive to the airport and shake the dust of that country off of our feet. I felt sad that it ad to end like this, but God had warned us in advance that Kioto was gonna be the hardest. We survived, and now all we can do is leave it to God. I hope the church will eventually forgive us, I would hate that this might've affected the oportunity for the future Ywam teams to visit this church... But like I said, it's up to God to heal it.
All in all I feel like the outreach was about discovering new depths within myself and getting back to the road I was supposed to be walking since the start of the DTS. For me it never ended up being about ministry as much as it was about personal growth. I learnt a lot about relationships with people (especially with guys) and God. But I also learnt that the foundation that I came here to build cannot be built by just the things we learn. It builds itself through application, as I put in practice the things I now understand. Now I'm back at the base, the first MAD girl to arrive, and it feels as if I never even left. There's still 4 more weeks till I leave this country again, and I'm looking forward to seeing what life will look like when I step into a plane the next time.
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