The End

So. This is it. It's been exactly 27 weeks since I left home, and though there's still two more weeks till I actually arrive in Finland, this is it for Australia. I guess this day was always gonna come, and now that it's here I'm finding it hard to believe. It's like in my very first post here, when I told about how even though I spent my last day in Finland just packing and preparing for leaving I still managed to forget that I'm going. Now it's different though, as everywhere I go on the base I'm reminded of the fact that the people I've spent the last 6 months with are no longer here. Having to say goodbye to someone almost every other hour has been emotionally draining, and tears and desperation come in waves. But then again I feel like I've fell into a comatose state where I just perform the things I need to, not thinking about what's gonna happen in a few hours, when I say goodbye to this place one last time.

The last few days have been the same. But I've been surprisingly calm and able to enjoy the last moments. On thursday night we had our own MAD grad, that was full of reminiscing and just enjoying each others company. On Friday night we had our actual graduation, but there was no time for inside jokes or sharing memories as we were graduating with two other schools. It was more fun than sad, though when one of the girls in our school shared her testimony I teared up a little as I could see how much she had grown on this journey. After graduating, we all went into town to take advantage of the freedom of doing things we'd been deprived of for six months - like alcohol. None of us drank a lot, but most of us had some. It was a little strange, like a bubble that suddenly burst. Seeing people smoke and drink, the people that had reached such depths in God, it just reminded me that we can never judge. I was drinking too, and it was ok. God wasn't judging us. He was there with us. A good example of this was one of the guys who gratuated from Beach to Bush dts, Chris, wo got pretty wasted that night. But when he took a taxi to go home, as he sat down in the car he was suddenly completely sober, and during the 20 minute ride from the city to our suburb Mitchelton he brought the muslim taxi driver to the Lord. How crazy is that? Just goes to show that God is with us everywhere and as long as we let Him, He can do great things through us no matter what the circumstances are.

Since saturday things have been a lot more depressing, as people started to leave. I still don't understand that these people are gone forever. Most of them I will never see again. Apparently the relationships that you form during your 6 months of DTS are equivalent to 7 years of normal interaction... how crazy is that, to say goodbye to a friend you've known for seven years, and then never see them again. Stressful, I must say. We've created a culture here that will be extremely hard to recreate back home. So I'm in for a social culture shock, surely. Even just having my very own room again and falling asleep in total silence will be weird... I can't even imagine all the ways that I'm gonna miss Australia..

But it's still good to go home. I've been fairly optimistic about returning, though Re-Entry lectures kinda brought my expecations to a more realistic level I guess. But still, even though I am a little scared to go home, at least it's for completely different reasons than it would've been in the beginning of DTS. I have changed. And here's where I'm most gonna need grace from everyone around me. Now if ever I need your prayers to get through the next few months. Just understand that coming back will be really hard, and don't get upset if I'm not the person that I was when I left. Cos I'm not. But it's a good thing. It's a very good thing.

My ride to the airport leaves in 35 minutes, so I guess I should wrap it up. But I just want to say this: this time has been AMAZING. It's een an experience like no other. I know it's gonna be hard when I go home, but I know I have no reason to be afraid because my God is with me, and He is the same in Australia and in Finland. And I know that even if everything else fails, even if it turns out that my worldview hasn't changed, that my attitude towards serving hasn't changed, that my self-worth hasn't changed, that my ability to love my neighbour hasn't changed, I know that my relationship with God has, and that's all I need. I know that I'm His beloved child that's allowed to screw up and be incomplete, and He loves me still, because He loves me, because He loves me, and there's nothing that can separate Him from me. And that is all that matters. That is everything.

So this is it. I sincerely thank you for reading my blog and for praying for me. I'm gonna be in Finland on May 10th, so call me up and we'll go for a coffee. But please don't stop praying for me.

I love you all! And I guess I'll see you on the other side.

yours,

Sonja